Perfect Posts

I sat on our leather couch, laptop on lap, recounting the events of the day.  My Facebook profile is up; and the curser flashes where I’m about to post something for the day.  “My kids are amazing…” Nope.  Delete.  “I love my children!”  Again.   Delete.  I found I could not lie anymore to my Facebook friends, because even though I do believe in my heart that my kids are amazing and I do truly love them, today… well, today… it would have been kinda, sorta… a lie.

Today is one of “those” days; when I am fighting everything within me not to throw my hands up in the air in defeat and crawl into the next deepest hole. I know I’ve said this a thousand times (mostly in my head)… but sometimes, everyday life can be wretchedly hard.  (A bit dramatic… yes, I know.  But sometimes, just how I feel.)

That’s a good word for it. Wretched. When your body feels as though there is no energy left to survive another unloading of the dishwasher.   Those 4 minutes are torture!  Meanwhile, all you can manage to do is throw up quick prayers for strength and understanding. Usually I am in physical pain when I am wrestling through things/sin/being hurt by others.  (Psalm 32 is a comfort for me during those times.)  And all this “wretchedness” because of an innocent social media outlet called Facebook (okay- maybe it’s not the only reason why I feel so wretched today… but its the biggest one at the moment.)

Oh, Facebook. How I love and hate you in the same moment. Is it just me- or can one person’s post throw another into a tailspin? One harmless innocent post can ruin another’s day. How do we tolerate social media?

I have a daily struggle with Facebook. I love that it keeps me up to date with my friends near and far. I love that it helps to bridge another communication level with our church. I love that it has helped our church grow. But…

Are we more than our Facebook statuses?

The posts that read, “I LOVE BEING A MOM!!!” make me wonder… is that woman even human? Is that real?  (As in, loving being a mother every second of every day… in CAPS?)  Does she ever fail at being a mom and wife? Does she realize that she probably is failing? Because I feel like I’m failing most days.  I fail when I let my anger seep out at my 5 year old when he’s distracted by his Legos and doesn’t even lift his head to listen to me.  I feel that failure when I lose track of time, and once again late to another appointment.

I admit: I have been that Mom… that only posts the pretty pictures where my boy’s clothes match, my house is clean and straightened, and my marriage is PERFECT. And then I realize… wait, Meg… that is such a lie. My kids rarely match their clothes when they pick them out themselves (and do I care anymore? Not really. They’re dressed, aren’t they?) My house… let’s just clarify something… WE LIVE HERE. And on top of that, I stay home and work… so you can imagine that my house gets seriously messy. (As of right now, there is a trail of Cheerios through my entire living room. Will I vacuum? Soon…)

After calling my own precious Mom last week, she excitedly told me about this book that she’d been reading… how it had changed her life (not like Jesus though- haha!) and she was sending it to me pronto.  I had actually forgotten about this- and had in fact even forgotten the title… until it arrived today.  I immediately opened it and stuck it in my purse to take with me to a doctor’s appointment.  (Wouldn’t you know– I ended up waiting for 55 minutes to be shown to the room and spent it reading the book!  Ahh!!!  Moments.)  The title is…drumroll please…. “Unglued” by Lisa TerKeurst.  And… it pretty much knocked my socks off.   As I read it, I kept thinking… wait- this is written by someone else?  Because it totally sounds like me…   About 10 minutes in I had a thought, “Why do we do this to ourselves?”  Where is it in the “How to Be a Woman” manual does it say, “Here’s how to appear to be perfect all the time”?  Is it our competitive nature?  Our own perfectionism?  Our clouded judgement of other women?

I was convicted.  So as of today, I REFUSE to pick up my house in order to take a “perfect photo” for Facebook.  I REFUSE to spend hours in the bathroom making sure my makeup is perfect, my kids’ outfits color-coordinate and their hair is combed to perfection in order to have a “candid” photo opportunity to post on Facebook.  I will (with everything that is in me) try not to give others the appearance that my life is perfect. Because, it’s definitely not.  I am human.  And on top of that, I am an emotional, exhausted, (but pretty amazing dance party starter) mom who has no end in sight to the family’s laundry or the dustbunnies that find their way under my refrigerator.

I watched this video last night, and it convicted me. He states in the video,

“We edit and exaggerate. Crave adulation. We pretend not to notice the social isolation. We put our words into order until our lives are glistening. We don’t even know if anyone is listening….”


Here it is:


It’s Messy

The world can be a messy place.  I am reminded of this as I sit, PJs still on, barefoot and non-showered at 10:44 a.m. on a Thursday morning…. as I work on our family’s budget.  OUCH.

‘We’ve got to start doing the envelope system again…’ I think to myself as I stand, balancing my laptop and my lukewarm cup of decaf green tea.  I hear my middle son scream at the top of his lungs and then a “THUMP” echoes down the hallway.  I pause, waiting to see if there’s going to be backlash… but there is none.  I sigh, move my laptop and tea to a higher, out-of-the-reach-of-the-baby location and head to the laundry room, to once again stumble over mounds of laundry (piles after endless piles of laundry…).


One of the many faces of my Middle Heart

My life has become a large wad of lost socks, muddy shoes, and crumbs on the kitchen floor (… and table…and the counter… and yes, my middle child’s bed sheets).  Boogers, crusty dishes, soggy dog food, unfinished landscaping, and Legos… are EVERYWHERE.  (Seriously.  I just found some in my closet.  Legos, not boogers.  I mean- come on!!!)

I never thought these phrases would come out of my mouth… and yet, it has happened.

–       “Please, let me poop in PEACE!”

–       “ DO YOU KNOW HOW TO WHISPER???!!!!????”

–       “Do you want the dog to eat your face off?”

–       “Oh no!  He’s eating dirt again…”

At the end of the day, as I sit here writing this blog, I find myself recalling the bad, the ugly… but most importantly, the beautiful parts of my day.  That moment, when my ornery child, who just seconds ago was wiggling out of his chair at lunchtime, looks full in my face and tells me that he thinks I’m pretty.  The rare occurrence when my youngest baby, after a full day of non-stop moving, shaking, walking and crawling, drops his head on my shoulder and snuggles in, waiting for me to sing him his lullaby.  And that heart-stopping moment, when I realize that I can see my eldest son’s head bobbing above the high bar counter.  How did he get so tall?


He’s so, so tall!

Those moments make me want to hold onto my children, kiss them at every possible second, and enjoy my ride.  This wonderful, exhausting, and live-every-moment ride that my boys have brought into my life.

Oh my heart...

Oh my heart…

So, yes, tomorrow, as I fold yet another basket of laundry, sweep the kitchen floor for the 100,000th time, and step on yet, another blue Lego piece, I will be still.

And live in those moments.

They will not last forever.

And no sooner than I can blink, they will be gone… only memories echoing through my mind.